Healing vs. Spiritual Wholeness

Current Relief Society General Presidency: J. Anette Dennis, Camille Johnson, Kristin Yee

The ward I'm currently attending had a class on Camille Johnson's talk from general conference this past Sunday in Relief Society. They said they didn't want to talk about mothers at all and would just have a lesson on being made whole while waiting to be healed.  To me in the moment, it felt like the best lesson I've ever attended.

The Relief Society presidency invited two of the older women to talk about what being made spiritually whole has looked like in their lives. One was a woman who was married to a gay member back in the 1980s. She condemned conversion therapy because it doesn't work. She talked about how marrying a Catholic man the second time around was the best decision she made, and taking care of him once he got dementia. For her, it was embracing the goodness you find in life, letting God bless you in ways you don't expect. Especially in the problems you didn't ask for.

The second was someone who grew up in a mixed faith household. Her father was an alcoholic who was physically abusive. She talked about survive sexual abuse, suicide attempts, unplanned pregnancy, and being disfellowshipped because of that pregnancy. She never thought she'd come back to the Church.  

"If they want nothing to do with me, then I want nothing to do with them."

That's where she was for decades of her life. Becoming a caretaker for her sister changed everything.

She talked about how spiritual wholeness involved getting the help she needed for substance abuse, therapy for her trauma, and beginning to pray again. No one forced her to it. She wanted peace in her life and this was how she found it. It was the most powerful testimony of forgiveness and trust in God I've ever heard. Especially because I've spoken to her before and know more of her story she didn't share. Forgiving people who don't deserve it is a skill I'm currently working on. I look up to her a lot now in this respect.

She made me realize that the grandmas at church have been through a lot. They can understand a lot of what I've been through and what I feel better than I think they can. And that's on me. It's on me for thinking they all have cookie cutter lives when they just... don't. 

I'm surrounded by incredible women every Sunday. I already believed that, but I didn't know how true it was. It's one thing to know, statistically, that there are going to be certain demographics in my congregation. It's another to be able to put a name and a face to them.

I love them for having the courage to say what they said, to be vulnerable for all of us like that. It was so much better than any lesson on mothers could've ever been. The Relief Society presidency nailed it with that one. It only confirmed for me once again that this is where I should be. This is my former ward I'm trying to move back to.

I have an update on that front.  

My husband kept running into a member of that bishopric at the grocery store. I told him it was because he needed to talk to them about our records, which he did. The member of the bishopric said to "ask again in six months." He told us why. I appreciated his candor. It's frustrating to know everyone else but the current bishop is on board. It's also good to know when the expiration date of that problem is.

Like so many times in my church experience, all I have to do to get what I want is to outlast some man who is standing in my way. Why they insist on doing that, I'll never understand. But I'm surrounded by a lot of women who probably know better than I do and can teach me what to do about it.