I gave a talk in the Singles Ward today. You can find it over at WatersofMormon.org where I also contribute. I won't be re-posting the content of my talk here, but I do have some goodies to share here.
Note: Because Waters of Mormon was disbanded many years ago, I've decided to post the talk inline on this post. Enjoy!
As an English teaching major, one of my favorite things in
life is learning to appreciate and use the power of language. I view words and
vocabulary as vessels that serve the purpose of literally holding spirit, whose
exchange is powerful and sacred. I spend my life combining them, exploring
their depths and precise shapes in order to understand the full and honest
meaning of the oil they’re meant to hold, and it’s a talent with which I’m glad
to be blessed.
I came to a discovery of two words recently
that have long impressed me with their depth and complexity. Their ornate and
masterful craftsmanship comes from their universal and eternal nature.
Thousands of years, countless cultures and their history, have contributed
unique and heartfelt loveliness to these two words. The best that mankind has
ever had to offer can be summed up in both of these words. I felt impressed to
talk about one of them as my topic, but found it to be inseparably married to
the second word.
The first word is Family. The second word is
Home.
My family isn’t exactly what you would call
functional, and I grew up never knowing the safety and security, the peace and
love that so many in this Church take for granted. What brought me into the
church was the powerful love of God that, because of the spirit, exists
wherever there is truth. At long last, I had found a place for my tired,
broken, harrowed spirit—the closest thing to a home I had ever had.
Home…
Because I had the church, I had an opportunity
to explore that word for the first time. I could bask in the warm glow of that
one word’s oil for hours, eagerly awaiting the next opportunity to go to Church
and feel it again. Three hour meetings weren’t long enough to feed the hunger
of my soul, the desire for more oil to fill this new word of mine. Time passed,
and the day came when I finally had enough oil to keep my life well-lit after
years of knowing only darkness.
But when my light grew bright enough, I could
also see a new word that brought me sorrow every time I looked at it. Family; a
word just as large and essential as Home, but I had let it become a very sad
and dirty word by how much I had neglected it. I would peer into its dry depths
and think to myself, “How am I supposed to fill this and make this better all
by myself? I can’t do this. How am I supposed to live with that disappointment?”
And so my division between Home and Family was set into place.
Brothers and sisters, I tell you this story
because this mistake can happen to ANYONE. I’ll even venture to say that it can
happen to those of you in this room who least expect it, and my heart goes out
to any of you that struggle to live by the light of one vessel where we were
designed to have two. It’s a pain and grief unlike any other, and we have been
warned to be watchful and prudent in all that we do to keep the bond between
home and family strong enough to protect us from that pain.
In Moses, we read of the first mortal family of
Adam and Eve—their respective, yet equally important responsibilities that
required them to depend upon each other in order to start their family and
create a home. In Moses 5, verses 1 and 2 we see the model of unity the Lord
intends for his children.
"And
it came to pass that after I, the Lord God, had driven them out, that Adam
began to till the earth, and to have dominion over all the beasts of the field,
and to eat his bread by the sweat of his brow, as I the Lord had commanded him.
And Eve, also, his wife, did labor with him.
And
Adam knew his wife, and she bare unto him sons and daughters, and they began to
multiply and to replenish the earth."
Let me
emphasize; only by working together can
families be established in righteousness, thereby creating a home that enjoys
the fullest happiness Heavenly Father can bestow. Just as families do not exist
with one person doing all the work, a home cannot be built through one person’s
labors. Even the Lord does nothing alone.
I’ll admit now that I spent years feeling
frustrated at the division of my situation because I was so focused on my own
hurt, I fell for a division that never should have existed in the first place.
Only after turning to the wisdom and council of the prophets did I understand
my mistake. Elder Russell M. Nelson teaches that:
“In
God’s eternal plan, salvation is an individual matter; exaltation is a family matter.”
In my mind, this used to be a really depressing
thought because I found it hard to imagine that my family would ever accept the
gospel, even though I have every reason to believe in and hope for such a
blessing. I tried to throw myself into the Church, telling myself that being
surrounded by that Spirit and the people who brought it there would always be
enough.
The only thing wrong with that idea is that it
isn’t true. The First Presidency issued a letter in February of 1999 with a
statement that read:
“The
home is the basis of a righteous life, and no other instrumentality can take
its place or fulfill its essential functions in carrying forward this God-given
responsibility.”
From my experience, I testify that this
includes the Church itself. The Church is not a hiding place from life and its
problems—at least, not permanently. Especially when it comes to families, we
have a responsibility to seek for the healing powers of the Spirit to deal with
our challenges, then get back to work serving and building our family
relationships—always having Home as our objective.
That can be hard to see when we’re in more of a
position like Abraham’s—fleeing from evil, traveling, maybe even wandering,
from place to place looking for somewhere to call home in the mean time. When
you focus on the fact that his father tried to kill him, his situation sounds
miserable. Consider also the fact that he had to face the commandment to kill
his son Isaac, and this story looks about as unfair as it gets.
President John Taylor once counseled, “it is
necessary that we pass through certain ordeals, and that we be tried. But why
is it that we should be tried? There is just the same necessity for it now that
there was in former times. I heard the Prophet Joseph say, in speaking to the
Twelve on one occasion: ‘You will have all kinds of trials to pass through.
And it is quite as necessary for you to be tried as it was for Abraham and
other men of God, and (said he) God will feel after you, and He will take hold
of you and wrench your very heart strings, and if you cannot stand it you will
not be fit for an inheritance in the Celestial Kingdom of God.’ Some people
have wondered why so many of the Twelve fell away. God tries people according
to the position they occupy.”
So what is needed in times of adversity,
especially when Satan’s target is our family, is a change of perspective. We
see in John Taylor’s statement the idea that God will try the Priesthood
according to the positions they occupy, but we are also tried according to the
position within the family that we hold. Elder Nelson also teaches that:
“The
final responsibility to prepare for salvation and exaltation rests upon each
person, accountable for individual agency, acting in one’s own family, bearing
another sacred title of mother, father, daughter, son, grandmother, or
grandfather.”
Until recently, I didn’t realize that my
position as a daughter within my particular family was so important as to be
considered sacred. When I look at it properly, it makes sense that Satan would
make the building of a strong, united, loving family so difficult to do,
especially when he has had control over them for so long.
And now that I’m in a position to see better, I
not only see that Heavenly Father loves His children, but I know what that
means, and I know what it looks like when He bestows His peace, His love, upon
families and homes.
It looks like Abraham’s trust in taking what
family he has left, fleeing from Haran, and believing that eternity would be
their covering as they dwelled in the tents that became their homes until they
reached the Promised Land.
It’s the image immediately after Christ’s
ascension in Acts 1, where the apostles AND Christ’s mortal family are praying
together—symbolically and literally united; just like Christ would have wanted.
The scriptures are full of what might be
labeled today as non-traditional families, families that go through changes of
all kinds, and I’m sure that there are those in this room who can appreciate
that because they’ve seen their share. But it can be so crippling to allow yourself to feel alienated or inadequate if
your family isn’t perfect. We can do nothing alone, and if our families have a
lot to work on, it isn’t our fault, and we can’t fix it by ourselves. Heavenly
Father will be displeased if you exhaust yourself physically and spiritually,
to the point of near apostasy, if you try to go through these challenges alone.
Also understand that sometimes, part of our
responsibility to our families and to the Lord will be to leave our families
for a season. Even if you are the only source of spiritual strength to them,
know that the Lord loves all of His children, and He will take care of them. As
it says in Luke 9:
And
another also said, Lord, I will follow thee; but let me first go bid
them farewell, which are at home at my house.
And Jesus said unto him, No man, having put his hand to
the plough, and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of God.
If you endure the season of planting, always
seeking the timetable and the will of the Lord in all things, your family will
be gathered around you once again at the harvest. I’ve seen it in my own life,
and I know that “the Son of
man is not come to destroy men’s lives, but to save them.”
If it wasn’t for all that I’ve been through
with my family, for the sake of one day having a home with them, I never would
have had the love and appreciation that I do for them right now. Knowing that,
I’d willing do it a thousand times over because for the first time, there is
oil in both of my lamps. Seeing the happiness that those drops have brought, I
promise you that no other investment can provide such great returns.
Fill your vessels drop by loyal, obedient drop,
and I testify that you will have the light of home and family to be with you
once again. This Mother’s Day, I pray we all will remember what is most
important in life. Our mothers have created families that can last forever. May
we always support them with our every effort, no matter what our
circumstances—always using what we’ve learned because of those circumstances to
do so. In the name of Jesus Christ, AMEN.
Those who choose to go over to Waters and read the talk will see that it isn't your typical Mother's Day talk. I noticed that myself and wondered if it was appropriate. It then occurred to me that I would only be sent with such a message if it was necessary, so I pressed forward, and I see now that it's a good thing I did.
While I was giving my talk, I had the unique experience of receiving impressions about my audience as I was speaking--knowing, at times, when what I was saying applied to certain members in the room. One young woman stood out to me in particular. I've never met or seen her before, nor did I completely understand what her situation was, nor was I even certain that what I was feeling was an impression at the time.
It wasn't until Sunday school that things became clear to me. Our lesson was on the Kirtland Temple. I shared a comment about the timetable of the Lord and how God has a better idea of what is needful than we do because He understands how things not only affect us, but those around us. The woman I noticed earlier then raised her hand to speak.
She shared that she was a child of a closed adoption, and she has sought her birth mother throughout her life. She said she agreed with what I said because after years of searching, she just recently found her maternal grandparents in the phone book, and she trusts that it was all in the timing of the Lord.
Out of all the people that told me how much they enjoyed my talk, her compliments resonated with me the most because I can see the hand of the Lord in our meeting, and it makes my heart swell to know that I accomplished my purpose--and to see that in someone else's life. I can honestly say that I put everything I had into the message I brought, and I trust that she will know this some day.
I pray that she will be fortunate and protected on her journey and in her search for peace and truth.
