I'm Sorry for what I said Before I Went Inactive

There's something I need to say, an apology I owe for my online behavior in earlier years of my life. I have said mean, heartless, hurtful things on Twitter in the past towards various progressive groups and members of the Church. For that, I'm truly sorry.

I'm sorry for bullying people on the fringes and outskirts of the Church. There's no better word for it than bullying. I was a bully to vulnerable people who were hurting. I had in my mind what it means to be Mormon and I was judgmental to anyone who deviated from that in any way. I saw it as my job to give uninvited correction instead of compassion.  I had no comprehension of how difficult it was to find yourself on the outskirts until I also found myself there. 

I have been in the spheres of online Mormon thought since 2007, and on Twitter since 2009. I was a completely different person then. I have planted my flag in the soil, as it were, with the very people I used to mistrust. There are moments when old threads reappear and I see some of the things I used to think. I'm appalled at how careless I was with people seeking any degree of nuance in our faith. I wish I could take it all back, and undo the damage I've done. I've lived to regret every word.

So if you ever come across anything from my past that makes me look like a compassionless stooge, I fully take responsibility for the disappointment you feel in me. My only hope is that how I live now can be an unrecognizable contradiction to that person in every way.

The very people I used to mock and hold in derision as "not real Mormons" have become my friends. Thank you, to each and every person who has ever engaged with me in meaningful conversation. You've given me the chance to see how wrong I was, and to become a better person. Not everyone gets that kind of second chance, and I love you all to pieces for it

More Posts from Me

The Unimpressive Origins of Anti-Queerness in the LDS Church

"Sister Collins, why don't you believe being queer is a sin like the rest of the righteous, obedient Mormons?" Because despite...