How to Deal with the Family Proclamation

We had a lesson in Sunday School today on all six of the proclamations the Church has ever issued. So naturally, the Proclamation on the Family came up.

I have complicated feelings about it. I think it fails our queer membership and locks us into doctrinal positions that aren't scripturally supported. I don't like how every lesson that mentions it invites an open season to take pot shots at the queer community, at our own people, about sexuality and gender. I don't like that this is the first instinct of many of our people when they talk about it.

You want to know how to redirect the conversation that shuts it down every time?

I bring up the portion that talks about the rights of children not to be abused. No one ever wants to talk about that because it involves looking at our own mess instead of someone else's. And as a survivor of familial abuse, it's something I feel passionate about because I know there is no group that is immune to it.

Rather than enforcing a familiar standard of heterosexual nuclear family that everyone should aspire to, I think the proclamation does a much better job of outlining what every child deserves. All children deserve to grow up in a family where they feel safe, respected, and loved.

Whenever I have to talk about the Proclamation to the Family, this is what I say. This is the only way I've found it to truly be prophetic.

I did it again today and that was one of the most powerful and vulnerable conversations about abuse I've ever seen at church. I know the teacher well. He has been a lawyer for many years and has worked as a prosecutor for child abuse cases in the state of Idaho, including those that involved church members. He said outright that local leadership doesn't always get things right with this, to the point that it was one of the reasons he left that line of work. It instigated a really poignant moment with him and a retired social worker from LDS Family Services. The Church is not immune to failures in handling abuse, but the Proclamation on the Family calls us to be better. That's what the discussion turned into. That was the salient point we ended on before moving on to the most recent proclamation from 2020.

Discussions in church are malleable. You can shape them into what you want them to be instead through your participation. It takes courage and skill you can gain with practice. And you'd be amazed at how well people respond if you do it sincerely and with love.

I can't change the mind of every person in the Church about queer people. But I can be filled with so much love for them, the right thing to say and do will be given to me through the Spirit.

Never doubt that you also have this power and ability. With God, all things are possible—including this.