The Virtues of Asking for Help

Today, the youth speaker was asked to talk about what faith in Christ means to her. She talked about what she learned from the example of Captain Moroni. She really admires the way he took care of others. She's the third youth speaker I've heard in this ward talk about self-reliance. Maybe that's their theme for this month?

She said made me think about an attribute of self-reliance I've never thought about before.

Self-reliance isn't about being so capable and prepared for life that you never need anyone else's help. It's recognizing when you need help and being secure enough to ask for it. That's what Captain Moroni does in that story. (See Alma 43)

He doesn't arm his people by himself. He doesn't construct fortifications, build cities, gather intelligence through reconnaissance, or even seek divine guidance by himself. There's no Lone Rugged Frontiersman™ Americans love so much. An honest reading of this story doesn't lend itself to that.

People who never ask for help, even when they need it, are not self-reliant. They usually end up spreading their frustration with their inability to do everything themselves onto those around them in the form of emotional contagion.

Every person I've ever met who refuses to ask for help expects others to do their emotional regulating for them. Usually in the form of concealing any form of disagreement or difference for the sake of that person's ego.

 

Real self-reliance requires having the awareness, humility, and confidence to ask for help. To accept that your independence exists with the help of a collective who gives their labor to you for free, even if you don't ask. 

 

None of us are an island, even when we try.