Showing posts with label John. Show all posts
Showing posts with label John. Show all posts

Promises

As I prepare to be sealed in the temple at the end of this month, I have given reflection to the topic of covenants--and discovered many things I do not know, and more still that I do not fully understand.

Two questions have been mine, which I have pondered in my heart, which I offer to you now.

The first question was to ask Why does God use covenants to grant us eternal life?

Mortality is a stewardship in which we are entrusted with many things which are not our own. A body, a family, all of these earthly possessions, even our very lives—these things do not belong to us. They have been entrusted to us by a living God, through an agreement which we made with him before we came to this life. It is an agreement we accepted here on earth with baptism, and it is the reason we have everything we treasure right now. They are gifts from God because He promised to care for us, and to provide us with an inheritance if we are faithful. If we honor our God and keep His commandments, if we are just and honorable stewards over those things which do not yet belong to us, all of these things we treasure will become ours.

In Luke 16, Jesus teaches:

10 “He that is faithful in that which is least is faithful also in much: and he that is unjust in the least is unjust in much.
12 “And if ye have not been faithful in that which is another man’s, who shall give you that which is your own?”

If we want to inherit eternal life, we must be faithful and build His kingdom with all we have been given in our mortal life. In all that we are, in all that we do, and in all we possess—we must build the kingdom of God. That is the promise we have made in all of our covenants. By doing so, we create the inheritance we shall receive. We shall have an eternal family because we have made an eternal family. We shall have the celestial kingdom because we built our own corner of the celestial kingdom.

 If we have built a lesser kingdom through our words and deeds, that is the gift we shall receive. I believe the phrase my mother would use here—one that expresses my point perfectly—is “You made your bed, and now you lie in it.”

My second question was one of comprehension. Oftentimes in recent conferences and talks in every imaginable setting, I have heard the phrase “Cleave to your covenants,” with the promise that they will provide protection from the temptations offered in this world. And I realized that I didn’t know what it means to cleave to my covenants. They aren’t physical, I can’t touch them, I can’t hold them—so how would I cleave to them?

To cleave to our covenants has two parts. First, it means to maintain our part of the agreement by keeping the commandments of God. It means to live up to who we are and what we've promised, no matter what the cost. Jesus taught:

“If a man love me, he will keep my words: and my Father will love him, and we will come unto him, and make our abode with him.”
John 14: 23 (to Judas Isacariot)

I have found that every time I have disobeyed a commandment of God, it was because I simply didn’t love Him enough to do as He said. It was because I had forgotten the worth of His atoning blood in my life, and I had lost sight of His power to rescue me from anything and everything. There is no peace to be found in this world, or in our hearts, until we make peace with Christ. That’s why He always invites us:

“Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come into him, and will sup with him, and he with me.”
Revelation 3: 20

To cleave to our covenants is no different than to cleave to our Savior. There is no difference between them.

The second part of cleaving to our covenants is to trust God to keep His end of the agreement. We must believe in our hearts that God is our Father and that He loves us. We must have faith in His Son Jesus Christ, and have faith that He wants to forgive our sins and save us. We must trust in the future they have prepared for us, no matter what form that future may take. “For I know the thoughts I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.” (Jeremiah 29: 11)

 Isaiah and Paul both testified:

“Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him.”
1 Corinthians 2: 9

When I was in Brazil, there was a phrase I saw everywhere. It was painted on buildings, printed on store receipts, tagged on the backs of street signs, and was written in many of their hearts. The phrase was “Deus é Fiel.” God is faithful.

We have more reason than anyone else in the world to believe that God is faithful because we are members of His restored Church. We have made covenants with him through His restored priesthood authority. When we cleave to our covenants and keep God’s commandments, having faith in Christ, we can be assured that the future is as bright as our faith.

In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

Receiving the Endowment

I went through the temple to receive my endowment a few weeks ago. It was the most beautifully profound, the most peaceful experience of my life. I was comfortable and prepared for what I saw and the promises I made. It was a simple, yet powerful display of truths I've been taught and have been living for many years. Years of scripture study, fervent prayers, and teaching from the Holy Ghost came together before my eyes. I could see plainly that in every blessing and hardship, the Lord had been leading me to this beautiful place.

In the Celestial Room, I felt at home. I had no questions. I needed no answers, no visions, no voices from heaven or signs from the earth. All was still and quiet, and I was at peace with everything--including myself. In the silence, I was healed and blessed by God. All my problems became weightless, and I felt a quiet triumph as many years of waiting were finally lain to rest.

Not everyone has that experience. For some, the covenants and symbolism of the temple ceremonies are strange and unfamiliar territory. I've watched as dozens of my friends and associates have gone through the temple before me and come out staggering, claiming the only thing they learned was how much they didn't understand. Even after a lifetime of reading scriptures, going to Church, and going through standard temple prep classes, the ordinances can still seem strange and confusing.

So, I'm using this post as a temple preparation playlist. Below are a compilation of talks, scriptures, and other odds and ends which explain the doctrines of the temple. I've also included talks that explain the history of the ceremonies. Some of the talks I've included do not clarify ordinances directly, but they explain aspects of the covenants associated with the ordinances--thereby making the covenants easier to keep.

If you have suggestions for talks or addresses to add, feel free to leave them in the comments.

Initiatory


Endowment


I haven't as of yet experienced the sealing ordinances, so I'll have to redo this list after I have that experience. It'll be interesting to see what I add to it once I've been through it myself. In the meantime, here's my list:

Sealings


I know the temple is the House of the Lord, and I'm grateful for my opportunity to go there. There is no better place in the world to be because the Lord is there. I know that as we prepare ourselves to go there in soberness and with quiet and reverent joy, we will be blessed with the Holy Ghost and the revelation he brings. Our spiritual strength will increase, and we will have greater happiness and faith in our lives than we have yet experienced.

I love the temple, I love the Lord, and I love the covenants I've made with Him. I share that testimony in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen

    Mercy--as told by the Joseph Smith Translation

    The Joseph Smith translation of the Bible is a crucial part to my testimony of the Bible. Second only to the gift of the Holy Ghost, the Joseph Smith translation is the greatest thing that ever happened to my testimony of the Bible.

    In a previous post I spoke of the corrections which Joseph Smith made to the parable of the ten virgins. These were a great blessing to my life because of the powerful way in which they corrected my perception of the Savior. Today, I wish to add a very similar experience which I had with a story from John 8.

    The story of the woman taken in adultery is one I treasure because it stands as a direct contradiction to the self-righteous. He refuses to give the death penalty to a woman for committing adultery, even though the law of Moses declares that punishment to be just. Those who condemn all sinners to the wrath of justice misunderstand this merciful example from the Savior when He says to such a woman, "Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more."

    Where confusion enters is that even though the Savior showed mercy to this woman in sparing her life, He did not instantly forgive her of her sins. Former President Spencer W. Kimball taught that lesson in The Miracle of Forgiveness when he wrote:

    Note that the Lord did not forgive the woman of her serious sin. He commanded quietly, but forcefully. "Go, and sin no more." Even Christ cannot forgive one in sin. The woman had neither time nor opportunity to repent totally. When her preparation and repentance there complete she could hope for forgiveness, but not before then.

    The story as recorded in John ends with the Savior's command to sin no more, but Joseph Smith added a very crucial verse to this story. His translation of verse 11 reads:

    And Jesus said unto her, Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more. And the woman glorified God from that hour, and believed on his name.
    John 8: 11 (emphasis added)

    Because this story as recorded in John 8 doesn't express the woman's faith, it allows the self-righteous to question her repentance, and the exact nature of the Savior's wisdom and mercy. When they present that the Savior instantly made this woman clean of all sin and forgave her on the spot, they cheapen His mercy and His justice.

    They misunderstand the weight of what this woman did, and how merciful it is for the Savior not to condemn her to death. Because she was remorseful for what she had done, the Savior was still able to save her from what she had done. Christ Himself has said:

    39 And this is the Father’s will which hath sent me, that of all which he hath given me I should lose nothing, but should raise it up again at the last day.
    40 And this is the will of him that sent me, that every one which seeth the Son, and believeth on him, may have everlasting life: and I will raise him up at the last day.
    John 6

    The self-righteous also misunderstand the nature of God's justice, and the need for sin to have a consequence.  The punishment for adultery was for the accuser and the witnesses to stone the accused to death. If the accuser or the witnesses had taken part in the crime, then their piety would require them to admit that they also stand condemned with her. When the Savior says, "He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her," He is revealing to her accusers that He knows their conspiracy. Because one does not usually catch a woman in adultery without catching a man, he doubtlessly was one of her accusers, attempting to testify against her. Their piety, their desire for justice, was only a deception.

    God will not be mocked in His justice, nor denied in showing anyone mercy who will truly receive Him. Justice and mercy are different words for the same love of our Savior, and in His heart there is no distinction between them. Mercy is Justice, and Justice is Mercy--which is the paradox I've come to love about Him most of all. As one who has needed that perfect love, I delight every time I see Him extend that love to someone else. From watching Him do so in my life and the life of others, I know the desire and objective of His heart.

    A woman, who has committed sexual transgression--which in the eyes of God is second only to murder and denying the Holy Ghost--finds salvation in His sacrifice. Eyes bright with faith and relief, a heart that rejoices because there is a way back from what she has done. Her mistake, though real, is only temporary because a loving God will not leave her stranded in her sin.

    As one who joined the Church as a convert, I struggled for many years to understand that because I repented when I was baptized, I was forgiven of my sins from my previous life. That ordinance was an outward sign I could always look to in remembrance of that repentance and forgiveness. In time, I would begin to realize that I didn't need to hold myself responsible for mistakes I'd made anymore. Doing so was making me into an inward pharisee towards myself. It was keeping me from the wholeness and faith to which repentance was supposed to lead me. My mistakes weren't mine to claim anymore, and justice wasn't mine to exact--even to express remorse for what I had done. The lessons and discipleship were mine to claim, but not the mistakes.

    And thanks to the Joseph Smith translation I could finally see the difference, with a fine-edged clarity I have never forgotten. The difference is as clear and stark as between a fire and the ashes.

    I know that Jesus Christ has that power. Through the sacrifice of His Atonement, sins become the remnants of our experience--cast off and forgotten. As we give ourselves to Him, to the ordinances which signify of the repentance we seek, the Holy Ghost kindles that fire brighter and brighter in our lives, to the total consumption of all our sin.

    To undergo that process is to be baptized by fire, and to receive the perfect brightness of hope which is only received through Jesus Christ. It is to live the gospel of Jesus Christ--to understand and become one simple truth:

    That which is of God is light; and he that receiveth light, and continueth in God, receiveth more light; and that light groweth brighter and brighter until the perfect day.
    Doctrine and Covenants 50: 24

    I bear that witness in the name of Jesus Christ who makes all things possible, even all forgiveness. Amen.

    Because I Have Been Given Much

    As I was waking up early this morning, I was thinking about Heavenly Father's relationship with me.

    I thought about the endless expanses of eternity--from the largest to the very smallest. I thought about the billions of people who currently live on this earth. I thought about the intricate identities they all possess--beyond any beauty my mind can fathom.

    How remarkable is human life.

    I thought of the infinite complexities which make up my own life, my identity. Stillness allowed me to see myself for who I really am, and all I could do was marvel at the amazing detail which has gone into my birth. I was born because Heavenly Father wanted me to live, and have joy. He wants to love me not only for who I am striving to become, but exactly as I am right now. 

    In the privacy of the morning before sunrise, I felt the amazing assurance that my life has purpose and meaning. It has mass and takes up space. I exist because I am needed. I exist to love, and to be loved. And in those realizations, I remembered again the answer to a question I once held tightly to my chest with a kind of desperation.

    Why does God love me?

    To me, the answer was a mystery. Dear friends and leaders tried to help me understand: Because you are His daughter... Because you are a good person... Because you love Him... Because you are important to Him... Because He has to...

    In the process of trying to find an answer I could live with and understand, I had a conversation with a friend.  He caused me to consider what kind of life I would live if I knew for certain I would never get to heaven. I thought about it for some time, then realized that I wouldn't change anything about the way I live. I would still live a life pleasing to God, and return to Him the glory and praise He is due. I would live to honor Him, even if I could not return to live in His presence. I would do my best to live joyfully and happily according to the manner of happiness because it has already brought me such great joy. A lifetime of that peace is enough of a reward for the good I would try to do in living the way God wants me to live.

    I don't know why, but it was only then that I understood the answer to my own question.

    To be loved by God--there is no greater gift He can give us. And that gift is one He has already given completely to all of His children. Being obedient doesn't make God love me more--no more than anyone's disobedience makes God love them less. Obedience is important because it creates peace and clarity for me from my vantage point. The commandments of God make it so I can see Him, hear Him, and understand Him. It brings me to a place internally where I can love myself for who I am, and the goodness in my own heart.

    Keeping all the rules--it's not about control, and never was. It's not about showing up, performing some labor, and collecting my share of God's blessings, like a wage. I express my love for the Lord through obedience because Christ has said that's what He desires. (John 14:15)

    I can give Him that gift completely independent of the prosperity or peril I experience. But if it wasn't for the commandments of God, I'd be so tangled up in my own desires, my own selfishness, my own way, I would never be able to see and understand what God sees or know what God knows.

    It would remain as a mystery, an unwrapped gift, to me.

    In a season that emphasizes gifts as an expression of love, may we always remember the gift we received with life itself--the love of God in its incomparable magnificence. When we ponder on the essence of life, knowing and feeling the all-encompassing blessing love is in our lives, may we never forget that "We love him, because he first loved us." (1 John 4:19)

    Merry Christmas to you and yours, in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen

    Testimony

    Bearing testimony of our Savior is the privilege of my life and the calling of my generation. This blog would be of little or no use to anyone if it ever deviated too far from the miracles and majesty of Jesus Christ. Because of that, I want to deal directly with the topic of Christ now, and share the heart of his gospel message.

    After Christ performed the powerful miracle of the Atonement and was crucified, we read in John 19: 30 that after he had finished everything he had set out to do in his mortality, "he bowed his head, and gave up the ghost." Leaving this world in perfect submission, He gave his life and his power, bore the burden of our sin and mortality... surrounded by the vilest of hellions and in the face of complete and total despair, Christ performed a perfect sacrifice by offering everything He had ever earned as a payment for our salvation and exaltation.

    Why? Because He loves us with a perfect love. He loves all life, and believes fundamentally and fiercely that life should continue--that our lives should continue. He believes each and every one of us have purpose, meaning, and something of infinite worth to contribute to the kingdom of God. In short, He believes in the divinity that is within all of us, and because He has seen what that divinity can become, He doesn't want us to settle for anything less than the perfect joy of our Father in Heaven.


    We read in Ether 12: 7 the following:

    For it was by faith that Christ showed himself unto our fathers, after he had risen from the dead; and he showed not himself unto them until after they had faith in him; wherefore, it must needs be that some had faith in him, for he showed himself not unto the world. 

    Akin to that though is this portion from 2 Nephi 2: 8:

    ...there is no flesh that can dwell in the presence of God, save it be through the merits, and mercy, and grace of the Holy Messiah, who layeth down his life according to the flesh, and taketh it again by the power of the Spirit, that he may bring to pass the resurrection of the dead, being the first that should rise.

    These scriptures tell us that after the Resurrection, Christ no longer had to appear to anyone who did not have faith in Him. As Zion's builders, we have to understand this crucial information to rise to our fullest potential in these latter days.

    If we want to perform our latter-day mission to build Zion and have Christ return and claim her unto Himself, we must be a body of people who believes completely and lovingly in His Resurrection. In the Church, it's easy to focus so much on the Atonement that we forget that it would have been incomplete without the Resurrection. But we must grow beyond this lack of understanding.

    Think about it. If Christ had offered to cleanse our lives without ever taking up His life again, we'd still be damned. Death would still hold us captive, halting the plan between birth and rebirth. Our earth could never be exalted and heaven could never come to us. The dead might be redeemed, but they'd never be resurrected. If they were never resurrected, they could never inherit the kingdom and glory of the Father, becoming heirs of salvation with Christ. Zion would never truly come forth, would never fully put on her beautiful garments of priesthood power. (D&C 113: 7-8) We as latter-day servants would not be able to finish the work we were assigned--to build Zion--if it wasn't for the Atonement and Resurrection of Jesus Christ.

    The house of Israel must be redeemed, and we will bring the gospel to them through our testimonies of Jesus Christ as His ordained servants. Our faith in His Atonement and Resurrection will make it possible for us to regain His presence. In a world that seems to believe more and more fully each day that only seeing is believing, we must remember the power of faith--for this is the only way to appreciate the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.

    May we more fully become valiant saints of that testimony together, in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.

    The Apostle Peter

    Artist: Liz Lemon Swindle
    I have a lot of favorite figures from the scriptures because of what their stories have come to mean to me. Some of my choicest blessings have come from seeing that I am not alone in the challenges I face. And while I could literally spend hours talking about more than a few people from the scriptures--Abraham, Moses, Job, Alma, and Ammon, I want to spend some time reflecting on someone I've had a soft spot for in my heart as of late.

    I came across a talk by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland titled The Lengthening Shadow of Peter when I was looking for something completely different a few days ago. I've read it a few times through, and it has given me a much-needed change of perspective about quite a few things in my life.

    Elder Holland begins be recanting Spencer W. Kimball's reaction to someone who decided to be critical of Peter. That anyone could  be critical of Peter was rather surprising to me, I'll admit. Apparently there was a minister that took it upon himself to condemn Peter for denying Christ three times. It never occurred to me that Peter could be blamed for such a thing, and with Elder Holland's most recent General Conference talk about the Savior, we can't be certain of what exactly was taking place in those final moments of the Savior's life in regards to His apostles. But it just goes to show you that no matter how hard you try for no matter how long, someone will still manage to find fault with you. If it happened to Christ and to Peter, I shouldn't be surprised when it happens to me.

    What stood out to me after that was the image of Peter that Elder Holland describes. A man full of
    charity that is not content to tell his brothers and sisters to be healed, but lifts them from the ground and walks beside them towards a new life. A powerful teacher of thousands, an impressive learner who was prepared quickly to the tasks ahead of him, who did not stop to question "Can I actually do this?" because there simply wasn't time. A man that thirsted after and thrived to become a true disciple of Christ, and could envision nothing less for his life. So much so, he wept bitterly at the thought that he had failed in offering the fullest sacrifice of his heart.

    The weight of Peter's tears has resonated with me deeply, and because I know something of their weight I feel as if I've made a new friend in the scriptures. Someone I cannot wait to see again, should I be counted worthy and blessed to be among the righteous who will rise to such great heights in the last day. A man of great personal integrity and leadership with whom I feel much kinship because of all that I've faced, and hope to continue to face in the name of my God, for it is an honor indeed to be called to suffer in the name of Jesus Christ.


    You'll recall that I excitedly shared that I might be attending the Hill Cumorah Pageant in Palmyra, New York a few posts back. To my disappointment, and even a bitter frustration, I discovered that there were no arrangements to be made that could possibly get me to Palmyra. Having prayed about that trip, I figured that I wouldn't face opposition for such a righteous desire. What could be better than wanting to go to the Sacred Grove and strengthen my witness of the most important revelation of modern Christendom? What could be better than to be in the only place I know of (outside of the temple) where Heavenly Father and His Son have stood together on the earth?

    It's only just now that I have understood my answer to that plea.

    I've been given an opportunity to attend a YSA conference in Scranton, Pennsylvania that will involve a trip to Harmony and the Priesthood restoration site. When I still had my eyes single to that journey to Palmyra, I wasn't willing to consider the Scranton conference as an alternative.

    But understanding, even in a small portion, what I now do about having the Priesthood, and the men who brought it to the earth again, I can honestly say that I've been humbled and count myself as blessed to share in this experience that has been prepared for me.

    Peter would have argued that his worth was nothing in comparison with Christ, and that's why he is Cephas, Petros, the rock upon whom Christ's church was built. I have much to learn from his example, and I pray that I might someday be even half the disciple he was.

    Easter: A Youth Talk

    Easter is a special time of year when we think about the life and mission of the Savior; but in order to fully appreciate His life and mission, we must begin with the Old Testament, and the time before He came to earth.

    I want to begin with a story in Joshua 4 of the twelve stones. The Israelites were following Joshua into the Promised Land, and Ark of the Covenant had just been taken through the waters of the Jordan River on foot.
    5 And Joshua said unto them, Pass over before the ark of the Lord your God
    into the midst of Jordan, and take ye up every man of you a stone upon his
    shoulder, according unto the number of the tribes of the children of Israel:

    6 That this may be a sign among you, that when
    your children ask their fathers in time to come, saying, What mean ye by these
    stones?

    7 Then ye shall answer them, That the
    waters of Jordan were cut off before the ark of the covenant of the Lord; when
    it passed over Jordan, the waters of Jordan were cut off: and these stones shall
    be for a memorial unto the children of Israel for ever.
    Think of the fear the Israelites must have felt. These were the people that Moses had led out of Egypt, and Moses had just died. Joshua was their leader now, and his people were no doubt feeling grief and uncertainty—similar to how some of us might have felt when Gordon B. Hinckley died. And to get to the Promised Land—the reason their fathers and grandfathers had been wandering in the desert for forty years—they had to take the Ark of the Covenant over the Jordan River. The Ark was the most important thing any of them possessed; without it, the children of Israel would not be able to repent of their sins. But God gave them the Ark in order to be forgiven of their sins, and He did not take that away from them. He provided a way for the Ark to cross the river. The Lord wanted His people to teach the miracle of the Jordan River to their children, and instructed them to take 12 stones that they might remember the story.

    Similarly, in the Book of Mormon, we read of Nephi and his two brothers Laman and Lemuel who were told by their father to retrieve the brass plates from Laban because it contained a history of their ancestors. They asked for the plates, and even offered to pay for them, and Laban bested them each time. Finally they knew they had to break in and take them—which looks an awful lot like stealing, and I’m sure that bothered Nephi because he wants to do what’s right. But the Lord has always taught his people to remember their history because it’s more than names engraved on metal plates, and Lehi’s family could not leave for the American continent without taking their history with them. Nephi and his brothers were able to retrieve their history that they might have their story to teach to their children in a new world.

    To be a servant of Heavenly Father, and a follower of Christ, you have to care a lot about stories. And it has been that way for longer than we may realize. Think of David, Jacob, Ruth, Deborah, and all of the Old Testament and Book of Mormon figureheads that relied on stories and traditions to learn about their God. But these traditions and stories also served the generations of others who were never mentioned by name; the people who were never swallowed by a whale, crossed an ocean, or conquered a giant. Instead, they were every-day people who made their faith out of the stories they were taught by their families and tribes. These were the people that lived on promises from Heavenly Father, but died before they ever had a chance to receive them. A few examples include:

    In Isaiah 9, the Prophet Isaiah prophesies of the Savior’s birth; and in Isaiah 29, he tells his people about the Book of Mormon and the Restoration of the Gospel through Joseph Smith. These are perhaps the most important prophecies to Christendom today, and the people who received the actual promise never got to see them fulfilled in their lives.

    In that respect, are they really so different from us today? As Latter-day Saints, we believe in Jesus Christ’s entire ministry, including the time He preached on the American continent—even though we’ve never seen Him with our own eyes. We are preparing for His Second Coming because our prophets have told us that we are in the last dispensation. We are preparing ourselves to be worthy of our full inheritance of Our Father’s kingdom. Like the people of the pre-Christian world, we endure in good faith on a promise. And while that may be our only certainty, our scriptures testify to us again and again that enduring on a promise is not a waste.

    We can know this because we have something the peoples of the pre-Christian world never had: access to their stories, plus so many others; including four gospels of the Savior’s life. Do we ever stop to think about how blessed we are for those four books alone? How many people spoken of in the Old Testament would have paid any price to have the words of the Messiah? And when we do not read them, we are not taking advantage of the knowledge that is supposed to help us with our task in this life: the task of writing stories of our own.

    In Doctrine and Covenants 76, we read of how those who inherit a Celestial glory, the highest degree of Heaven; “These are they whose names are written in heaven, where God and Christ are the judge of all.”

    We have been taught by our prophets that our lives—our thoughts and actions—are all being recorded in Heaven, and by those books, our own books of scripture with our names on them, shall our Father judge us, and our Savior redeem us. And in Doctrine & Covenants 127, we learn that these books are bound to us and “whatsoever you bind on earth, may be bound in heaven; whatsoever you loose on earth, may be loosed in heaven.”

    Personally, that idea is really daunting for me. There are aspects of my past I don’t WANT bound to me. And then of course, there’s my family—the people I love as much as I can for as long as possible, but we are just too different from each other. We’re lucky if we can go to the movies without being thrown out. What if I just can’t see us being bound to together for eternity?

    Our Savior is always there to guide us through even the most private struggles. If we look to those Old Testament promises again, this time in Jeremiah 29, we read the promises God makes the Jews before they’re taken into captivity:
    10 For thus saith the Lord, That after seventy years be accomplished at Babylon I will visit you, and perform my good word toward you, in causing you to return to this place.
    11 For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.
    12 Then shall ye call upon me, and ye shall go and pray unto me, and I will hearken unto you.
    13 And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart.
    14 And I will be found of you, saith the Lord
    If we pray for His help, He will guide us towards the ending of happiness and hope He has helped to prepare for us. He helped the Jews endure their captivity, and He will help us now as we write our own life story. And while we may not always control everything that happens to us, we do have the responsibility to write the parts of the story we do control. We choose the dialogue and actions that develop our character. We choose our friends and the people we trust to influence us in their own ways. But most important of all, we choose whether or not we will include Christ in our lives.

    When Christ taught the parable of the ten virgins, He didn’t just tell a cute story about a wedding. He gave us the most chilling admonition—in my opinion—in all of the scriptures. The virgins who do not prepare for the Bridegroom—the coming of Christ—He tells us He is prepared to look them in the eye on that Day of Judgment and say, “Verily I say unto you, I know you not.”

    But by studying His life and His ministry, we will learn what we must do to seek Him out. One of my favorite stories about him is in John 8:1-11. Jesus was teaching in the temple, and the Pharisees arrived with a woman who was caught committing adultery.
    4 They say unto him, Master, this woman was taken in adultery, in the very act.
    5 Now Moses in the law commanded us, that such should be stoned: but what sayest thou?
    6 This they said, tempting him, that they might have to accuse him. But Jesus stooped down, and with his finger wrote on the ground, as though he heard them not.
    I find it interesting that John would include details like the fact that the Savior continued to write in the sand, even though He knew what the Pharisees were trying to do. Similarly, we will be judged by men and women of the world as we write our stories in the sand. The story continues:
    7 So when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said unto them,
    He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her.
    8 And again he stooped down, and wrote on the ground.
    9 And they which heard it, being convicted by
    their own conscience, went out one by one, beginning at the eldest, even unto
    the last: and Jesus was left alone, and the woman standing in the midst.
    10 When Jesus had lifted up himself, and saw none but
    the woman, he said unto her, Woman, where are those thine accusers? hath no man
    condemned thee?
    11 She said, No man, Lord. And Jesus said unto
    her, Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more.
    We must have confidence in ourselves and our potential. Have confidence in what the Savior saw in you when He atoned for your sins.
    That’s why, in 1 John, we read, “greater is he that is in you, than he that is in the world.”

    We may wonder about our divine potential, and what makes our lives and stories so valuable?

    When the Savior atoned for our sins in the Garden of Gethsemane, each drop of blood atoned for each and every sin we will ever commit. In each drop are the stories of us all—the sins we will commit as we learn to write our life stories, the mistakes we all inadvertently will make in order to endure through this life. On this occasion, this Easter morning, I invite all of you to remember the promise that was bound to us in His blood. In Isaiah 49, He promised:

    Behold, I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands; thy walls are continually before me.

    As the author and finisher of faith, Christ has already written His story. Now, He desires more than anything else to help and teach us as we write ours too. Only then do we take upon ourselves the task of Jacob in the Book of Mormon when he said, “Nephi gave me a commandment… that I should write upon these plates a few of the things which I considered to be most precious.”

    I pray that we will always include our Savior in all that we write, in all that we live, in all that we are. In this is eternal salvation, but I also testify that His presence blesses us with salvation every day in all the ways we feel His love.

    In this I am confident, in His holy name—Jesus Christ. AMEN

    Stones

    My father is returning to prison this month. I've been told that this time it's for 2nd degree assault and 4th degree burglary. Consequently, he has been contacting my sister a lot the past couple of weeks; thus following an absence of several months. I give my sister a lot of credit. She is much more forgiving than I probably ever will be. She is the only person on this planet that sees anything worth the effort in our father anymore. And honestly, I can't even fathom what she could see, he has fallen so completely.

    I deal with a lot of cognitive dissonance because of how I choose to deal with my non-relationship with my father. When he calls, he now knows that my sister is the only person who will speak to him. If anyone else answers, he knows to ask for her. It used to be that if I answered the phone, I would hang up the second I realized it was him. But now I just pass the phone along or briefly tell him that my sister isn't home and that I'll have her call him. Then I hang up. He has learned that I refuse to speak to him because I have nothing I want to say to him that isn't infected with disdain.

    I knew before I ever converted that a relationship with Heavenly Father would mean I would have to forgive my father. And I have tried. When I got my patriarchal blessing, I learned that I have a responsibility to serve my father; to pray for him and forgive him for all that has happened. Sometimes I do pray, which I don't find difficult anymore. But it seems like every time I nearly get to a sense of inner resolution for what he has already done, he gives me a new stone to throw at him; a stone that, because of the pain that he has caused me, I wish I could throw at him.

    But I can't. Not just because catharsis doesn't work, but because I know better.




    I spent all day redecorating my blog in a new layout. Its background is a pile of stones, to serve as a reminder of what Christ did for me. He protected the harlot that I used to be when he admonished, "He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her." (John 8: 7) He protected me, his younger spirit sister, because he loves me. And, whether I can appreciate it or not, he loves my father too.

    I know this. I know this in my mind, thoroughly. I know I have no right or authority to pass judgment on anyone; not when I have stones of my own that others could throw at me.

    But at the same time, I cannot bring myself to speak to my father when he calls. I prayed for strength when I told him that he was no longer welcome in my life, and in hindsight I know my request was granted. But now that I'm supposed to make a re-entrance into my father's life, if for no other reason than to give him a Book of Mormon and my blessing, I can't do it. I refuse, despite my better judgment. Despite everything I've learned about Heavenly Father, and all of the sacrifices I've made, I still am not ready to make my ultimate sacrifice; and the opportunities to complete the task I've been given will only continue to gather like stones before me.

    And it grieves me to know that there is only one way to truly get rid of them; and it isn't by throwing them.

    We Shall Not Forget


    "We shall not forget."

    "United We Stand."

    Remember those bumper stickers and T-shirts? The ribbons and yellow magnets? The store signs and the moments of silence? The American flag on every other house and car? The days when, if it was a flat surface, it had a flag on it? Do we remember?




    Our school had a moment of silence today, and it was less than 10 seconds long. I thought I would have time to say a prayer, but no dice. I guess the silence just gets too heavy for some people...

    I insist that I'm no better than the rest of them. Even I managed to forget what day it was, and my patriotic shirts remained in their color-coded position in my closet. I feel as if I managed to forget the promise I made to myself the first time I went to Ground Zero, when I promised to do all in my power to keep 9/11 from happening again. That promise meant the world to me, but where is it now?

    And sometimes I think, "What can one girl like me ever do to stop a monstrosity like 9/11?"

    When those towers fell, and that plane crashed, and those walls crumbled in Arlington, a monster was revealed for all the world to see. At the time, we knew the face of evil; hate mongers who would kill innocent people. Osama bin Laden drove our Orwellian Two Minutes of Hate, and we loathed and despised him for everything he represented to us. We swore in our hearts that we would never forget the face of the enemy. We promised ourselves that justice would be served.

    I ask myself today, where are all of those promises now?

    Tucked away in closets like old t-shirts that come out three times a year; Memorial Day, the 4th, and 9/11, if at all?

    The hijackers of the 9/11 suicide flights sought to unleash a monster upon us. Our country was supposed to divide, crumble, and fall. Chaos was supposed to descend upon us like a plague. And because that never happened, we assumed we were safe. We returned to our lives, and the flags came down. The yellow ribbons became tattered. The bumper stickers became the empty promises that they are today. And in our state of complacency, we see the true enemy. And it's closer to home than we ever imagined.

    I have met too many soldiers to ever believe that this war is not worth fighting. Wars may be started by Machiavellian leadership, but do they fight the battles? No. I wonder, at times like these, if the war that our leaders have declared is the same war that our soldiers are fighting. I wonder if the Iraq that we hear about in the media (the hopeless, lost cause that is the United States biggest failure since Vietnam,) is the same Iraq that is free of Hussein; free of the sons who raped the women of a ravaged nation; free to speak for themselves under their own constitution; free to pick themselves up as soon as they gather their strength; free to become the peaceful nation, a fresh start, for the Middle East.

    I try hard not to think about how disappointed our Father in Heaven must be with us at times when He sees how we treat each other. Today of all days, two boys got into a fight as I was trying to get on the bus to go home. I couldn't continue walking for fear of being caught in the middle of their brawl, so I stood and watched with disappointed eyes.

    "Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do." (Luke 23: 34)

    We were told, "Love one another; as I have loved you." (John 13: 34-5) And in 2000 years, how many of our brothers and sisters have remembered this "new commandment"?

    Not enough.

    If we ever want to grow beyond yellow ribbons, our fathers and mothers dying in battlefields, our brothers throwing punches, and our children living in an age of fear and violence, we have to start applying what we have learned! We need to remember what we have been taught long enough to use it!

    Otherwise, our hope will be the next casualty; in which case, we will all be held accountable:

    "Then shall he answer them, saying, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye did it not to one of the least of these, ye did it not to me." (Matthew 25: 45)

    Remember?

    The Difference

    "Those who have felt the touch of the Master's hand somehow cannot explain the change which comes into their lives. There is a desire to live better, to serve faithfully, to walk humbly, and to be more like the Savior. Having received their spiritual eyesight and glimpsed the promises of eternity, they echo the words of the blind man to whom Jesus restored sight: 'One thing I know, that, whereas I was blind, now I see' (John 9: 25)." Thomas S. Monson
    I think Elder Monson was the one I quoted recently. I respect him as an Elder, and I find I really enjoy what he has to say. This quote, which was E-mailed to me by the Church, is no exception.

    And what's amazing is how these E-mails seem to connect with exactly what is happening to me each day! One of my friends, Alexis came up to me and said, "You know, you look different... happier in a way. You look good!" And I know what she sees--It's the spirit! I keep the spirit with me. I don't swear like a sailor on fire anymore, and I live the gospel as it was meant to be followed: with complete obedience at any cost. And I'll admit, it costs me a lot at the moment.

    The latest update on my mom? The last time I talked to her about the Church, she randomly brought up my wedding and how she'll "have something to say about it" if I marry someone Mormon... I don't really care though. There's nothing wrong with being Mormon. We have the healthiest lifestyle you could ever hope to find, and I know I'm blessed for my faith. That's something that her disapproval cannot take away from me, even if she threatens to try and ruin my wedding. She will only bring the disapproval on herself, not on me and my husband. So it's whatever. It's not in my nature to dwell on things.

    I just wonder if she sees the difference in me that everyone else can see now. Alexis wasn't the first to notice. I've had many a non-member guy approach me recently, including one that is very persistent despite the fact that he has met my boyfriend, and I tell him I'm happy with my relationship. And I'm pretty much what you would call anti-social. I don't go looking for other people's attention. I keep to myself unless I have something to say, at which point I'm brutally honest about what I think, and then I retreat to my own thoughts again. That's how I choose to be. I don't need interaction with people to make me feel validated as a person, especially not now that I have the Savior to look unto in every thought (D&C 6: 36)... I believe highly on that scripture because of the peace it brings throughout my day. And I can't imagine my day without the strength of the spirit, or the love of the Savior.

    And the great thing about the gospel? Matthew 6: 20-21

    Nobody can take it from you.

    More Posts from Me

    The Unimpressive Origins of Anti-Queerness in the LDS Church

    "Sister Collins, why don't you believe being queer is a sin like the rest of the righteous, obedient Mormons?" Because despite...